After last night, I could never be a politician.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
