Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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