Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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