Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
