I want to make a zoo with you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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