did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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