i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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