Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
