Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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