Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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