I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
