I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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