hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
