Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
