i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
