The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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