ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
