can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
