when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
