So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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