nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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