Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
