I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dicks are not precious.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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