Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
