I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
