Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
