"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
