we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
