i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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