My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
