I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I will die if light touches me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Threesome in a minivan. New low
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just high enough for therapy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
