Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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