if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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