problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
