I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
