i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
