And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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