can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
