hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
