I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
