i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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