Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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