If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
