...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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