If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
