i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
