She went from zero to smokin in five shots
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
