Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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