so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
