I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
